My birth story

A lot of my friends are writing their birth stories and i think they are fun to read so i've decided to share mine. I've debated telling it because it's pretty personal and not the most pleasant story. The more I read other people's though the more I've decided very few people have the perfect go to the hospital get your epidural and have the baby story so here it is (and it's long, whoops).

 When I went in for my 37 week checkup and she said I had started dilating, it seemed too good to be true. After suffering through 9 months of sickness and pain I thought maybe he would come a little early and end my nightmare. Sadly though he held on in there until he was 5 days overdue. Each week I went for my checkup I was dilated a little more and at my last checkup I was dilated to a 4 and 90% effaced. I was annoyed because I thought plenty of woman are in the hospital waiting for epidurals at this point and I'm walking around still sick and nothing's happening. The day before he was due I got this big burst of energy, cleaned my whole house, and finished packing our hospital bags. I was certain he was coming the next day. It was one of 2 days in my entire pregnancy that I felt good. Its a little sad when you only have two days you can remember feeling well from the time I got sick one week after we found out I was pregnant. On the 19th when he was due I sat around all day just waiting for him to come. I think I knew I wasn't just magically going to start contractions but I was determined that was going to be the last day I threw up so I honestly kept thinking any second I was going to start contractions and he would be here. Of course that didn't happen and I woke up on the 20th and burst into tears. I seriously couldn't believe that after 9 months of feeling horrible I was going to have to be pregnant for some more time. Each day he didn't come I was a little bit more devastated. Finally on the 22nd I started having contractions at about 6 at night. They were inconsistent but I figured they would get stronger as time went on. I managed to sleep through the whole night even though I vaguely remember waking up a few times in pain. I kept having contractions all day the 23rd but they were not close enough together to go to the hospital. We went to lunch with my sister and brother in law and while we were there my contractions were finally coming 5 minutes apart. We went home and I fully expected to go to the hospital but they tapered off again and would come every 3-10 minutes. we ended up just watching TV while I timed contractions on my app. I decided to make Brandon some dinner because it felt good to get my mind off of it and as soon as he had a few bites i knew it was time to go. Suddenly my contractions went from manageable to really painful and I told Brandon it was time. He started running around the house frantically looking for things while I calmly breathed through each contraction telling him everything was in the bag just put it in the car and lets go. It was sort of the classic comical scene you see on TV when the wife is in labor.

We got to the hospital and my contractions didn't hurt as bad so I was sort of afraid I'd get sent home. Luckily though I was at a 6/7 dilation so I was admitted and given my IV. It was silly but I was so excited for my IV. I'd spent my entire pregnancy forcing myself to drink to stay hydrated. Most of the time it made me sicker so I was ready to be hydrated without trying. I was also a little excited for my hospital gown for some weird reason. The nurse asked me what my pain management plan was and I told her I didn't really know because I felt pretty good at that point. She told me she really thought I could do it without any medication because I was pretty far along and handling it well. I decided to try it and they moved us to another room with a jetted tub so I could use that to help with the pain. After about an hour of monitoring and getting settled the nurse told me to walk the halls which would help with pain and speed the labor. At this point I was feeling pretty well and Brandon and i were talking and laughing as we walked up and down the halls. on one pass right when we were by my room I felt a flood of water and I was soaked as my water broke. Turns out it can happen like in the movies just typically not when your at the grocery store and you're rushed to the hospital. we went back into the room and she monitored me again. I was really starting to hurt at this point so she decided to have me try the tub. I don't know how long I was in there but I hated it. I was boiling hot so poor brandon had to sit there and fan me. If he even stopped for 5 seconds i would tell him he had to keep fanning me. They aren't kidding when they say labor hurts. I was stupidly trying not to get my hair wet because i didn't want to have wet hair the rest of the time. This made it sort of uncomfortable but I couldn't think straight to realize this was a stupid endeavor. Apparently when I'm totally out of it with severe pain I think about the practicality of wet hair. Brandon's family came to sit in the waiting room and i was really sad when he went out to see them for a few minutes. who was going to fan me?? Finally she had me get out of the tub so she could check me. I was certain i would be ready to push but sadly I was only at a 7/8. She had me get on my hands and knees on the bed so brandon could push on my back and try to turn Tyler around. The hospital beds are super cool and she adjusted it so I could kneel on it as comfortably as possible. She then told me she would come back in an hour to check me and I'm not sure if I showed it or not but i thought "NO you have to come back right now and tell me its time to push, this has to be over you can not come back in an hour it has to be right now!" Alas I was in for another hour before she came back. I don't know if this happens when you have an epidural but i was involuntarily shaking, a lot. I also was really hurting and i remember being embarrassed that Brandon might see my butt even though I was covered by a sheet. There are absolutely zero rational thoughts when you have been in that much pain for that long. At this point the nurse told me my doctor was going to make it for my birth and I was really happy. I thought if she could just come and tell me it would be ok I could make it.  When the nurse came in again to check me she asked my how my contractions were feeling. I groaned and said "like sh**" she laughed and said finally there's that transitional phase talking. I knew that meant I was at a 9 and finally my doctor came. I had never been so glad to see her. She told me I needed to lie on my side with my leg up because that would help clear out the one side to get me to a ten. She got my on my side and said she was going to the bathroom and to get a drink and she would be back in about 20 minutes. I tried not to show it but inside I was begging her not to leave. Somehow if she left it would mean I had to keep laboring longer. Looking back I'm glad she left for the worst part and it was just brandon and I. I can tell you right now labor at the end is not one single bit like in the movies. the way they are sitting there yelling about how bad it hurts its so fake. They could not show what its like on TV though because its really bad (at least for me). I was gripping the side of the bed while involuntarily shaking and screaming. There was no stopping it no matter what I did. it wasn't like really loud screaming but I cant really think of a better word to describe it. I do remember hearing a lady loudly screaming down the hall and I thought at least I'm not doing that (like I said, zero rational thoughts). I will admit this was a little traumatic for me, I was pretty shaken up about how awful it was for like a week.  Finally the doctor and nurse came back in and told me it was time to push. They let me flip over and I didn't think i would ever be so glad to push. Most people say pushing is the worst part but for me it felt way better. I got a second wind and I was ready to get him out. I have no idea how long I pushed for but it seemed like a long time even though it probably wasn't. finally I felt him come out but she kept telling me i needed to push, I was trying but there was nothing there for me to push and I was totally out of it, I thought I'd done all the work i was going to lie down and not do anything. Apparently he had gotten stuck and his shoulders hadn't turned so his head was out but his body was stuck which is why i couldn't really feel anything. unfortunately i tore very badly when he got stuck and I'm still having problems from it which I'm in physical therapy for. 7 hours after I got to the hospital Tyler came out breathing well and doing well and there really is no way to describe what it feels like to see them for the first time. for me it was happiness mixed with total relief that i wouldn't have to be sick anymore. I wouldn't have heartburn keeping me up all night, i wouldn't have to throw up every morning and be nauseated all day and I wouldn't have to keep getting bigger and bigger until i felt like I couldn't move. I held him all the way up to the recovery room where I think we all slept for quite a while. I remember the next day I ordered my meal like I was still pregnant meaning carefully avoiding foods that would make me sicker and white bread no veggies no fruit. I was eating my white roll and I looked down and thought oh my gosh I really want a wheat roll! Finally after 9 months I was back to wanting to eat healthy foods and I knew I wouldn't throw them up. The hospital was probably really impressed with my orders because I ordered veggies and fruit and wheat with every meal because i hadn't eaten them in so long. thats not a treat to most people but it really was for me. I hope I didn't scare anyone off from a natural birth. It's definitely not for the faint of heart but i think i would do it again. I'm not one of those people who will tell you about my beautiful natural birth, I'll be honest, it totally sucked! However, it felt like the right thing to do at the time. Luckily mom's get these magic hormones that make you forget or else i'm sure plenty of us would never have another child. Already I think it wasn't that bad but that's not what I thought at the time. I also have nothing but good things to say about my nurse and doctor and St Marks hospital. I'm realizing hollywood paints this picture of fun glowing pregnancies with a birth where the woman looks perfectly fine even though she's supposed to be in pain. When it doesn't go that way its a little disappointing. Luckily (or not so lucky) i watched my sister go through the same sickness problems I had and her natural home birth did not go well so I wasn't set up for too much disappointment. I fully expected my pregnancy to go as bad as hers. Moral of the story is everyone has something hard during their pregnancy, labor or postpartum stage. I feel pretty lucky that I had very few postpartum depression issues, other serious medical issues with the baby or anything else that other people have to deal with. It could always be worse. I'm finding that lots and lots of woman have troubles during labor, pregnancy or postpartum but we don't talk about it because no one wants to be the downer. I'm having troubles posting this because it's scary to talk about. I wish I could have had the fun happy pregnancy that many people get. Sometimes it's really hard to watch other girls be so happy while their pregnant because i never got that but like I said, it could always be so much worse and I'm so incredibly grateful that I even got to the chance to be pregnant because i know there are far too many people out there that don't even get a chance. I think the only benefit to my horrible pregnancy was when he came out I was ready to hit the ground running, I felt GREAT. I didn't care if I was up all night with a crying baby its was like freedom had come. People laugh when i say freedom came when he was born, for most people that's when the real work begins but i could wake up in the night and not be sick. I could pass him off to someone else, when he was inside the burden was only mine to carry. I gained 50 pounds by the time he came which is a ton on my little 5'2 frame. I was in so much pain i just wanted him to be out. I'm so grateful to have him. Every single day he blesses my life and I seriously didn't think it would be possible to love him as much as I do. So there it is. Sorry this is such a long and detailed post. I'm really nervous to hit post but here goes....