Why I think the baby experts can suck it!

I've been seeing a lot on of people talking about baby theories, methods, techniques and books they like on Facebook. I'm glad they work for a lot of people. I think its good to find something you and your child identify with. I personally like the Sears parenting library. The reason why I like them is because on the first page in all of their books they say that what they teach is what worked for their children and it's made up of things they've learned in 25 years of practicing medicine. It might not work for you, and never ever take our advice when you feel like something different will work. Never ignore your instincts as a parent that so many "experts" have stolen from new parents. You have to love a book that claims it might not work for you at all on the very first page. This is my experience in the 5 short months I've been a mom. I do actually know what I'm doing, I take no credit whatsoever nor can I credit any method or technique I practiced for my child's mostly good behavior, he was born that way, and all the experts out there trying to lead new moms into what they should and should not do can just go suck it.

When Tyler was born I really felt like I knew exactly what he needed and wanted but as a brand new mom in a hospital surrounded by experts, you're just too scared to speak up because new moms are constantly lied to and told that they have no idea what they are doing. This is actually true for some moms, I had several friends who just felt like they didn't know what their child wanted or how to respond to them. I think this is perfectly normal too and I'm sure as time went on they really learned what to do. We all hit our motherhood strides at different times, I might totally suck as a mother of a toddler its a crapshoot like life in general. For me, I feel like Tyler and I are really connected and we know what to do together, but like I said as a new mother you're told otherwise. In the hospital Tyler didn't take to eating right away. Deep down I knew he was fine but nurses and lactation specialists and doctors all have people to answer to and if they told me it was fine that he didn't eat and then somehow it wasn't they'd have a lawsuit. I understand their position but nevertheless it sucks when they come in every two hours trying to force you to feed your new child even though he clearly has no interest in eating. The worst for me was a nurse that came in constantly handing him to me to make me feed him. She came in at 4 in the morning pricked his heel to test his blood and he slept the entire time. then she handed him to me to make me feed him, in my head i was thinking is this a joke? he didnt wake up to his heel being pricked but you think he'll wake up if i try and shove a nipple in his mouth??? When she came back I told her he didn't eat he was just too sleepy to which she responded, "ya sleepy parents too." I've never wanted to chuck something at someone's head so much in my entire life. of course i was sleepy you idiot lady i just shoved a huge baby out of me with no medication or any form of pain relief, i'm exhausted and so is the dang baby so leave me alone. After that, every time I tried to feed Tyler I just ended up crying, my confidence was shattered. the lactation specialist had told me how i needed to fee him exactly by doing eleven minutes on one side giving him a 15 minute break and then feeding him eleven minutes on the other side. here was the problem with that "expert" advice, Tyler's never eaten more than 12 -15 minutes ever! No child is the same and my baby happens to be a get in get done kind of an eater most of the time he eats about 3-5 minutes and he is done. She also told me i couldnt let him eat too long or he'd be a constant nurser, too short and i'd have to feed him every hour and that would be a pain, follow the feeding schedule she told me.  that started the worst week ive had as a mom thus far. crippled with crazy hormones and the fear i wasn't feeding my child correctly i stressed and stressed until one day i realized no one was watching me, I could feed my baby however, whenever,  and for however long I/Tyler wanted to. Nobody was ever going to know if i was following the techniques I was reading for getting my child to eat or sleep Enter the liberating fact that i was in charge, I didnt have to listen to what anyone said, feeding my child on a schedule didn't work so we changed and did what worked.

From that point on I made the choice to proclaim I know what I am doing. Do I always get it right? absolutely not, I have trial and error and problems and somedays nothing works because babies are just human and they have sad days and happy days and good and bad days. Nothing is black or white and no parenting technique works for any one child. These expert books leave out the fact that children have emotions and wants and needs and lets face it, children come out with their very own personalities and some things you just can't change. some babies are born good sleepers and some are not. some are good eaters and some are not, some are happy and pleasant and some cry constantly and to think that any child can be completely molded by a technique read in a book is sort of a fantasy. Do they have good things to say? Sure, sometimes we do need some help from experts, sometimes in everything and sometimes in just one thing. But babies are as complex as you or me. My child actually goes through phases of sleeping through the night or not. If I was tied to a sleeping method I might feel like a failure when he starts waking up again much like i did in the hospital with the nursing My theory is the parenting books work really well when your child is already mostly doing it on their own and you just guide them a little. Its easy to think that we are the ones to be proud of when our technique of getting our child to sleep works wonders but like i always say, Im 90% sure that a majority of my actions have no effect on my child whatsoever. Sometimes he goes to bed at 7, sometimes 11, sometimes he wakes up at night sometimes he doesnt and I'm fine with that because I signed up to be a parent and I'll take all of the craziness that comes with it. i was blessed with a mild mannered baby who sleeps pretty well and eats pretty well. not a day goes by i dont count myself the luckiest girl out there.

so here it is, suck it baby experts! Do i actually know what I'm doing? no way in hell. Do i have confidence in my abilities and the way a mother knows her child like no one else can? YES! I think we need to stop telling new moms and dads they have no idea what they are doing. Stop shaking their confidence because it might not be the right way to raise a child to you, but it is to them and thats ok. I'll eat my words here a little if the parenting books work for you i say keep at it. we all need to find what works for us but as for me, I'm going to go off my instinct and do what my gut tells me. No more will I be paralyzed by fear that I'm not doing something right because its not what the doctor said. No more will I worry if my child is not on a sleep schedule or a nap schedule or feeding schedule because thats not what works for us. never again will I be guilted into thinking i'm not doing something right because my child's not fitting the mold. He's a person, none of us fit the mold. I think we often read parenting books because we want a magical pill to make our child sleep through the night or eat right or behave better but the fact is being a parent is just damn hard work. It's late nights and crying and diapers and yes sometimes having no idea what you are doing but thats what i signed up for when we decided to have a child. I signed up to work my butt off, but I get rewarded ten fold for it with the joy of having this funny little unpredictable person in my life. for me, i don't want to read anymore of what experts say. My little guy and I are just going to be who we are and do what we want because with children, whatever behavior they are doing changes in about a week anyway so I'm going with being flexible. My parenting method: do whatever the hell you want!