Pregnancy and me

I'm going to have to eat my words a little on my last post because this may not be the most positive post about pregnancy. First of all let me say how grateful I am to be pregnant. I really truly am grateful that we are able to have a baby because I know so many people who can't get pregnant, lose baby after baby, lose a baby well into their 2nd or 3rd trimester or just plain struggle. I want to say that the actual growing of my baby is cool, I like feeling it move and I love our little baby. I really would rather have this pretty crappy pregnancy than not be pregnant at all and I'm very excited to be having a baby.

That being said, so far pregnancy has just sort of sucked for me. I don't know if everyone goes through this and we just don't really talk about it or if I'm just having that bad of a pregnancy. I know my sister had an awful awful pregnancy so maybe we just have bad luck. At 4-5 weeks right when we found out about me being pregnant I felt great! I was eating healthy and drinking tons of water. I was all set to have an awesome time with this. At about six weeks I started getting a little sick but it was mild and easily controlled with food. By six and a half weeks I started throwing up. At this point I threw up about three times a day. By seven weeks I had to take a day off work because by the end of the night I had thrown up about 15 times. We decided to call the doctor (even though we hadn't even met with her yet) to see if they had any medication or something that would help me not be so sick because I don't know if you've ever thrown up that many times but it's death. Every part of your body hurts and it's just depressing. By the time the doctor called us back the next day and gave me a prescription for anti-nausea medication I had thrown up 8 times and it was only 3:00. After taking my medicine I finally stopped throwing up and I could lie in bed just feeling sick instead of living in the bathroom. I went back to work the next day and even on the medication I still threw up a few times a day and just felt like crap the rest of the day. As the days went by I was back to throwing up 6+ times a day so I called my doctor and she upped my dosage from 4 to 8 mg. This helped a little but after toughing out 3 miserable weeks of work I finally had to ask to go on medical leave. I basically sat at my desk tried to work on a project, threw up, got back to my desk tried to work, threw up, tried to work, threw up etc etc. My work was great at working with me and got me set up to take medical leave. I had to get a doctors note and she diagnosed me with Hypermesis Gravidarum or a nice way of saying you have severe pregnancy nausea and extreme vomiting sucks to be you. The last day I worked I called my doctor to see if there was anything else I could take and she prescribed phenegrin. This put me in a 2 day sleep coma. Out of the 48 hours I probably slept for 44 of them and threw up the other 4. Needless to say this just wasn't going to work for me (or poor Brandon)and I went back to my Zofran. When I stopped working I basically lied in bed all day and felt miserable, tried to eat anything but usually failed and threw up. It took every thing I had to even get up to make a little bit of food or take a shower. Brandon even made a little throw up jug that I could Velcro to my nightstand because yes I was throwing up that much. I remember at one point after a bad day and Brandon wasn't home I called my mom in absolute hysterical tears and all I could get out was "I'm just SO SICK!" I told her it's incomprehensible that you can be this sick and I know it is because I never imagined or believed anyone else when they told me they were sick. I really think most people aren't as sick as I have been (or my sister). By week 12 I was finally able to even leave the house for short periods of time to go out to eat or maybe to the store but when we went to the doctor I'd lost about 7 pounds. I was down to 114 pounds which is scary little for me, I weighed that when I was 16. By 14 weeks I decided it was time to go back to work. I wasn't feeling well but I didn't feel bad enough to merit sitting home all day. Luckily I did a lot better at work than I thought I would and I have been doing pretty well since then (I'm now 20 weeks). I'm still nauseous for a pretty good chunk of the day and I still throw up a couple of times a week. If I don't keep up on my snacks or miss a meal of any sort I will be puking. I have thrown up in the car in a bag, a whole bunch of parking lots, nasty gas station and restaurant bathrooms, the kitchen sink and just about anywhere else you can think of. I have thrown up just about every type of food out there and I still can't eat at certain restaurants or certain things. As I finally started to get over my sickness every other symptom started. If it's not sickness it's back aches, constipation, headaches, bloating, leg cramps, exhaustion and the list goes on and on. I basically spent 3 months of my life feeling like I had the flu with car sickness and that I'd just run a marathon because I was constantly exhausted. Did I mention pregnancy has just been really kind of yucky for me?

Throughout this whole thing I've definitely learned a few things and learned to be grateful for a few things.
1. I'm extremely grateful this will end in a few months. I'm lucky I'm not a cancer patient who has to endure the sickness of radiation for who knows how long or that I have a terminal illness or something else of that manner.
2. Even though I prayed for it everyday Heavenly Father wouldn't take my sickness away. He did however bless me with gratitude and the feeling that it could always be worse. I was lucky to be emotionally stable and he gave me strength to not resent my baby or suffer jealousy for girls who don't have to do this. When you are that sick it's easy to be angry at the baby or at anything else for your misery. Don't get me wrong I had a few days where I just wanted to give up and I did get mad at our little guy but for the most part I was able to have a pretty good attitude.
3. If someone tells you they are sick and throwing up and average of 3-6 times a day for the love of all that is good and holy don't ask them if they have tried a freaking saltine cracker (or any other home remedy like ginger or peppermint). These little remedies are for mild nausea and really don't help. Do you also know what the thought of eating a cracker is like when you're that sick? I imagine it tastes like cardboard covered in poop, or at least that's how if felt at the time.
4. I'm very grateful for Brandon who helped me through everything and been nothing but kind and supportive.

 Now that I'm feeling better it's much more exciting and I'm excited to find out what we're having on Tuesday. Overall I really do have to express my gratitude for my pregnancy even though it really hasn't been easy. I've also been lucky enough to quickly forget just how bad it was because all ready I'm thinking it really wasn't that bad but at the time I really thought I was going to die. There were seriously a few days when I thought I just might die I was so sick and I never thought I'd even make it to 14 weeks let alone half way. Here's to hoping the second half of my pregnancy goes a little better than the first.